Friday, July 22, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Provision
So, at Catalyst Church we're doing a series on Revelation. I have really enjoyed it. If you want to catch up, watch it here. It's been very thought provoking. A few weeks ago the phrase said was something like this, "We may not have what we want but God provides all we need." Honestly, I have really struggled with that ever since. A friend and I even had a conversation about it after church this last Sunday because it was so powerful for her. My initial reaction to that is, we don't always have what we need. There are Christ loving people who are hungry and poor and they don't have what they need. And I hear people, mostly Christians (I hate to say it), say things like, "I'm blessed with this money or this thing or this job." And I don't fault them for that but I'm just not sure how I feel about it. When we first moved here and had 2 house payments for 14 months. I was talking to some very well meaning people and they were talking about when they moved, their house sold in 2 weeks and how they felt so confirmed with their decision because God blessed them with a quick sell. It bugged me because God still blessed us even paying double house payments. We were taken care of but I when I say we were blessed I mean in our relationship with Him. We drew closer than we ever had before because we were so desperate for Him and HIS provision. And by provision, I don't mean money, I mean the provision that we were His. We even had the conversation so what if we foreclose...well what if we do? We're still His and He still loves us.
So, when I hear people say God blessed them with this or that and God provides their material needs, it bugs me. Sometimes, our basic needs are not provided for. Sometimes we're hungry and we're poor (truly). What I've come to learn that the phrase means that regardless of our earthly state, God provides what we need and what we need is totally Him. It isn't about our humanity, it's about our relationship with Him. That's still a hard concept for me.
Alright, that's my thought for today that started a few weeks ago...still working through that.
So, when I hear people say God blessed them with this or that and God provides their material needs, it bugs me. Sometimes, our basic needs are not provided for. Sometimes we're hungry and we're poor (truly). What I've come to learn that the phrase means that regardless of our earthly state, God provides what we need and what we need is totally Him. It isn't about our humanity, it's about our relationship with Him. That's still a hard concept for me.
Alright, that's my thought for today that started a few weeks ago...still working through that.
Well hello there.....
I know I've been MIA for awhile. Summer has been awesome & crazy all at the same time. The kids and I spent two weeks in Florida. The first week, I was with my YoYos and the second week with family. It was absolutely incredible. I honestly had a really hard time coming back to reality. Whenever I'm with my family, it takes me a little bit to reacclimate to life. I get a bit resentful to be so far away and I kind of just want to stay in my shell and then I pop back out of it. I realize we are where we're supposed to be for now and that's okay with me. I still get sad leaving..it was quite painful for all 3 of us this time. This was K's first time to be so distraught about leaving Nana & Coachy. A & I always cry and carry on when it's time to say goodbye.
But, we're back and we've enjoyed June and some of July now. We stay busy with playdates and pools. I have really enjoyed all the time we've spent together as a family. Levi has been going to work SUPER early and getting a lot of his studying and prep work done before others are out and about. We've done a lot of fun, family stuff and it's been great.
I'll write more...I've got one more blog topic in my brain so I'm going to go with it while I'm thinking about it.
But, we're back and we've enjoyed June and some of July now. We stay busy with playdates and pools. I have really enjoyed all the time we've spent together as a family. Levi has been going to work SUPER early and getting a lot of his studying and prep work done before others are out and about. We've done a lot of fun, family stuff and it's been great.
I'll write more...I've got one more blog topic in my brain so I'm going to go with it while I'm thinking about it.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Getting there
I'm getting caught up....feeling pretty overwhelmed right now all the way around. I re-read your blog from a few weeks ago about church. I'm honestly not sure how I feel about it. I think church is more like a commitment, not so much what am I going to get out of it. It's more of a togetherness and joining in with other believers and being a community of faith. I know you made the comment about your daughter. If she told you she didn't want to go to school...you would still make her go. I get school and church are different. We disagree on that and it's okay. Anyway, know you're missed when you're not there...did I already comment all of this? I had a strange feeling I already have....whateves:) I'm kind of crazy, you know that:) Alrighty, I'm going to blog on my blog and then read some more:) Miss you and love ya girl!!
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Caught up
Will my Sunshine ever come back to her Bible reading?
Anyhow, I don't usually like the Psalms because they always seem a little whiny, but there was a phrase today that (sadly) resonated with how I'm feeling lately: I'm a joke in poor taste to those who see me; they take one look and shake their heads.
I love the story of David and Goliath. This is the first time I ever read it. It's riveting.
Although I have to admit, it seems there are a lot of parallels between David and Osama Bin Laden. Or any "terrorist" leader, for that example. People in power want to kill him, he hides in caves, he kills for "God." It's pretty disturbing.
Anyhow, I don't usually like the Psalms because they always seem a little whiny, but there was a phrase today that (sadly) resonated with how I'm feeling lately: I'm a joke in poor taste to those who see me; they take one look and shake their heads.
I love the story of David and Goliath. This is the first time I ever read it. It's riveting.
Although I have to admit, it seems there are a lot of parallels between David and Osama Bin Laden. Or any "terrorist" leader, for that example. People in power want to kill him, he hides in caves, he kills for "God." It's pretty disturbing.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Catching up
Obviously there's been a lot going on this week... but I'm reading everything now.
So Weds reading? Dude throws his concubine out the door and she's raped until she's dead? And then he cuts her into pieces?
What bloody and horrific passages in Judges!
So Weds reading? Dude throws his concubine out the door and she's raped until she's dead? And then he cuts her into pieces?
What bloody and horrific passages in Judges!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Friday, April 29, 2011
YAY!
All caught up!
The only thought I had was - again - Jesus is a total badass. Not only did he rise from the grave, but he was all like: oh, yeah, I'm back and you can even put your hands in my wounds.
Dang, Gina.
The only thought I had was - again - Jesus is a total badass. Not only did he rise from the grave, but he was all like: oh, yeah, I'm back and you can even put your hands in my wounds.
Dang, Gina.
I don't even know what I'm up to...
Last Sunday maybe? I'm reading Luke 22: 35-53 and there are some beautiful things that are striking me.
I love in the Message version that the folks that Jesus brought to the mountain on the night of the betrayal were "drugged by grief." What a powerful phrase. Maybe it resonates so strongly with me because I personally felt drugged by grief on Tuesday; all I could do was sleep in my sorrow. It makes the disciples seem less like non-committed idiots at that moment, and more full in their love and their sorrow. I really like that.
The second part of that that really strikes me is that Jesus healed the soldier after one of his disciples cut off his ear. Wow. How have I never really heard that part of the story before? How moving is that love? To heal the one that will lead you to your death? I can't fathom it; I am trapped in my own humanity. Wow. Just wow.
I love in the Message version that the folks that Jesus brought to the mountain on the night of the betrayal were "drugged by grief." What a powerful phrase. Maybe it resonates so strongly with me because I personally felt drugged by grief on Tuesday; all I could do was sleep in my sorrow. It makes the disciples seem less like non-committed idiots at that moment, and more full in their love and their sorrow. I really like that.
The second part of that that really strikes me is that Jesus healed the soldier after one of his disciples cut off his ear. Wow. How have I never really heard that part of the story before? How moving is that love? To heal the one that will lead you to your death? I can't fathom it; I am trapped in my own humanity. Wow. Just wow.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Sunday reflections
First, administrative stuff: I'm read-up through day 111. I'm only about 2 days behind now.
Now for what's on my mind tonight.
I went to service today and felt something so strongly that I don't think I can ignore it any more, so I'm going to write about it. And then I suppose I'll pray about it.
I don't like close and crowded groups of people. I never have. It makes me feel angry, and it makes it hard to breathe. So I'll be candid and own my "Ochlophobia" (I looked it up, that's what it's called). I take medication for my "social anxiety" and it is what it is. I live with it.
Maybe it's the fear of groups that has heightened this feeling that I've had, but I've felt it for the last few months.
I don't feel like I should be at church anymore.
It feels like a chore.
I'm not feeling connected to God.
I'm not feeling connected to anyone or anything while I'm there.
I don't feel like I'm learning.
It just feels routine, like balancing my checkbook.
And... that feels wrong. Even my daughter, who inspired our attendance in the first place, keeps fighting me on going. "Mommy, it's the same thing over and over," she tells me, "I can't love God any more than I do now."
There are several times now where I've attended and waited to connect. To feel something. And I just don't feel it.
I don't know what to say. Or to do. It just doesn't feel right to me.
Now for what's on my mind tonight.
I went to service today and felt something so strongly that I don't think I can ignore it any more, so I'm going to write about it. And then I suppose I'll pray about it.
I don't like close and crowded groups of people. I never have. It makes me feel angry, and it makes it hard to breathe. So I'll be candid and own my "Ochlophobia" (I looked it up, that's what it's called). I take medication for my "social anxiety" and it is what it is. I live with it.
Maybe it's the fear of groups that has heightened this feeling that I've had, but I've felt it for the last few months.
I don't feel like I should be at church anymore.
It feels like a chore.
I'm not feeling connected to God.
I'm not feeling connected to anyone or anything while I'm there.
I don't feel like I'm learning.
It just feels routine, like balancing my checkbook.
And... that feels wrong. Even my daughter, who inspired our attendance in the first place, keeps fighting me on going. "Mommy, it's the same thing over and over," she tells me, "I can't love God any more than I do now."
There are several times now where I've attended and waited to connect. To feel something. And I just don't feel it.
I don't know what to say. Or to do. It just doesn't feel right to me.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Day 104
3 "Be alert. If you see your friend going wrong, correct him. If he responds, forgive him.4 Even if it's personal against you and repeated seven times through the day, and seven times he says, 'I'm sorry, I won't do it again,' forgive him."
Day 103
Not sure I understand the parable of the crooked manager. At all. Like this guy steals, uses it on himself, and then cons people into giving him company money - and the boss is pleased? <--- not getting it
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Day 96 - 98
I still say Jesus was way BA. He went to dinner and then ripped those Pharisees a new one. That's so BA.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Today
I like Joshua.
I wonder how people took Jesus, like bystanders. He was so radical the things He was saying. The way He behaved...I love that. He befriended the friendless or embarrassing or downcast....I love that.
Monday, April 11, 2011
interesting
I really like Joshua so far...easy to read.
Interesting that Jerusalem was a place where prophets were abused.....very interesting.
I'm tired.
Interesting that Jerusalem was a place where prophets were abused.....very interesting.
I'm tired.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Days 97 & 98
I really enjoyed all of the reading for both of these days. I'm trying to really focus while I'm reading. I should do it in the morning when I'm a little more with it. I've zoned out on some of the OT reading. But I enjoyed these two.
I did really good with my Lent praying the first couple of weeks of Lent. I set aside 30 minutes and prayed. Then, I thought, "I don't want to be too rigid or make it like a task to complete." and in so doing, I've not put myself into it like I should. I need to find a balance with that. I felt a lot more connected when I was praying specifically for each person on my list.
I did really good with my Lent praying the first couple of weeks of Lent. I set aside 30 minutes and prayed. Then, I thought, "I don't want to be too rigid or make it like a task to complete." and in so doing, I've not put myself into it like I should. I need to find a balance with that. I felt a lot more connected when I was praying specifically for each person on my list.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
95
WTF with "eating your own babies??"
How do you reconcile the angry, cruel God from the Old Testament with what Jesus preached in the New?
And Jesus really IS a BA: ""This is war, and there is no neutral ground. If you're not on my side, you're the enemy; if you're not helping, you're making things worse."
How do you reconcile the angry, cruel God from the Old Testament with what Jesus preached in the New?
And Jesus really IS a BA: ""This is war, and there is no neutral ground. If you're not on my side, you're the enemy; if you're not helping, you're making things worse."
94
This passage struck me: 15 Fools are headstrong and do what they like; wise people take advice.
16 Fools have short fuses and explode all too quickly; the prudent quietly shrug off insults.
17 Truthful witness by a good person clears the air, but liars lay down a smoke screen of deceit.
16 Fools have short fuses and explode all too quickly; the prudent quietly shrug off insults.
17 Truthful witness by a good person clears the air, but liars lay down a smoke screen of deceit.
Monday, April 4, 2011
94
Okay, WAY too often I'm Martha
41 The Master said, "Martha, dear Martha, you're fussing far too much and getting yourself worked up over nothing.
41 The Master said, "Martha, dear Martha, you're fussing far too much and getting yourself worked up over nothing.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
93
We're 25% finished....yeah for us!!
I've never read this much straight through:)
I read but I'm going to be honest the Old Testament is hard for me. It seems like a lot of rules and not sure the meaning behind them. Loving the Psalms & Proverbs still :)
I've never read this much straight through:)
I read but I'm going to be honest the Old Testament is hard for me. It seems like a lot of rules and not sure the meaning behind them. Loving the Psalms & Proverbs still :)
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Day 92
Yeah I did not like that either. What about the evidence of virginity? What if she didn't bleed but was a virgin? Too bad, I guess she got stoned....harsh, harsh, harsh!!
It makes me feel sorry for the women still in the Middle East living under persecution. I truly couldn't imagine that.
It makes me feel sorry for the women still in the Middle East living under persecution. I truly couldn't imagine that.
Caught up too
Random: Every time it said "God, your God," all I could think of was "Xuan, my friend Xuan."
Hate the whole passage about rape and forcing the victim to marry the rapist.
Hate the whole passage about rape and forcing the victim to marry the rapist.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Caught Up
I love the end of the Psalms for today 25 You're all I want in heaven! You're all I want on earth!26 When my skin sags and my bones get brittle, God is rock-firm and faithful.27 Look! Those who left you are falling apart! Deserters, they'll never be heard from again.28 But I'm in the very presence of God-oh, how refreshing it is! I've made Lord God my home. God, I'm telling the world what you do!
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Today's reading
I think it's interesting that every 7 years all debts are canceled. Do you know how much of this is still in practice? Any bad debts, bankruptcy, or late payment are wiped off your credit score after 7 years. After 7 months, if you haven't paid your credit card bill at all, they will write-off and cancel your debts. Weird.
I hope my home of good people holds together.
I hope my home of good people holds together.
Monday and Tuesday
Random: Why is Deuteronomy called Deuteronomy? I always thought it was some kind of philosophy or science - is it someone's name?
I think "hearty" is "sexual" - not fat :)
I think "hearty" is "sexual" - not fat :)
The Beatitudes
I love the Beattitudes in the Message.
20 Then he spoke: You're blessed when you've lost it all. God's kingdom is there for the finding.21 You're blessed when you're ravenously hungry. Then you're ready for the Messianic meal. You're blessed when the tears flow freely. Joy comes with the morning.
22 "Count yourself blessed every time someone cuts you down or throws you out, every time someone smears or blackens your name to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and that that person is uncomfortable.23 You can be glad when that happens-skip like a lamb, if you like!-for even though they don't like it, I do . . . and all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company; my preachers and witnesses have always been treated like this
20 Then he spoke: You're blessed when you've lost it all. God's kingdom is there for the finding.21 You're blessed when you're ravenously hungry. Then you're ready for the Messianic meal. You're blessed when the tears flow freely. Joy comes with the morning.
22 "Count yourself blessed every time someone cuts you down or throws you out, every time someone smears or blackens your name to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and that that person is uncomfortable.23 You can be glad when that happens-skip like a lamb, if you like!-for even though they don't like it, I do . . . and all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company; my preachers and witnesses have always been treated like this
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Readings
Day 80
Luke-Jesus shut the demons up and wouldn't let them speak because they knew too much....why didn't He want them to disclose that He was the Messiah??
Love that these disciples left their lives to follow Jesus....interesting to completely turn and go.
3 1/2 days back...I'll try to catch up tomorrow....
Luke-Jesus shut the demons up and wouldn't let them speak because they knew too much....why didn't He want them to disclose that He was the Messiah??
Love that these disciples left their lives to follow Jesus....interesting to completely turn and go.
3 1/2 days back...I'll try to catch up tomorrow....
Monday, March 28, 2011
Weekend Readings
Saturday, 3/26: 10 commandments.
Sunday, 3/27: liked the proverbs today - 1 If you love learning, you love the discipline that goes with it-how shortsighted to refuse correction!
Sunday, 3/27: liked the proverbs today - 1 If you love learning, you love the discipline that goes with it-how shortsighted to refuse correction!
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Readings this week
Tuesday, 3/22: Not much stood out here. I thought the whole "murderer-asylum" thing was a little silly. He could have just said, "If he kills a man on purpose, he should be put to death. If not, he may take asylum." That guy needed a total copyeditor.
Wednesday, 3/23: OK, this is like the follow-up to the thing you thought was "girl-power" and I thought was a giant insult. Women getting to inherit property was only to keep it in the family, the whole passage basically boiled down to: "Give it to the woman if there isn't any other male suitable of taking it." It was a last resort, not an empowerment. Now we have the next part of the passage: "Hey, if we women marry outside the family, some other tribe will get our land." And the answer: "So only marry within the family." Uh, what about, you keep the land even IF you get married?
Thursday, 3/24: I liked this part: 37 "Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults-unless, of course, you want the same treatment. Don't condemn those who are down; that hardness can boomerang. Be easy on people; you'll find life a lot easier.38 Give away your life; you'll find life given back, but not merely given back-given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity."
Friday, 3/25: About the Mount Pigsah sermon - if people aren't supposed to have any carved or painted images of God - is a crucifix wrong? A statuette of Jesus? It seems like that would fall under the category of putting God into a likeness to worship.
Wednesday, 3/23: OK, this is like the follow-up to the thing you thought was "girl-power" and I thought was a giant insult. Women getting to inherit property was only to keep it in the family, the whole passage basically boiled down to: "Give it to the woman if there isn't any other male suitable of taking it." It was a last resort, not an empowerment. Now we have the next part of the passage: "Hey, if we women marry outside the family, some other tribe will get our land." And the answer: "So only marry within the family." Uh, what about, you keep the land even IF you get married?
Thursday, 3/24: I liked this part: 37 "Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults-unless, of course, you want the same treatment. Don't condemn those who are down; that hardness can boomerang. Be easy on people; you'll find life a lot easier.38 Give away your life; you'll find life given back, but not merely given back-given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity."
Friday, 3/25: About the Mount Pigsah sermon - if people aren't supposed to have any carved or painted images of God - is a crucifix wrong? A statuette of Jesus? It seems like that would fall under the category of putting God into a likeness to worship.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Day 75
34 Simeon went on to bless them, and said to Mary his mother, This child marks both the failure and the recovery of many in Israel, A figure misunderstood and contradicted -35 the pain of a sword-thrust through you-But the rejection will force honesty, as God reveals who they really are.
What a powerful couple of verses?
What a powerful couple of verses?
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Back half of the week
Thursday, March 17. I have a hard time imaging the Israelites moving from town to town. Can you imagine 600K people roving around?
Friday the 18th. How interesting Moses learned he would die head of time.
Saturday the 19th. All the offering stuff just doesn't resonate with me at all.
Friday the 18th. How interesting Moses learned he would die head of time.
Saturday the 19th. All the offering stuff just doesn't resonate with me at all.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
This week's readings
Sunday the 13th. Not too much stood out here. I like the writing style of Luke.
Monday the 14th. Still sounds a lot like the middle east today, sadly.
Tuesday the 15th. I didn't know John was Jesus' cousin.
Wednesday the 16th. Woo! Orgies? Shittim? Crazy.
That's as far as I've gotten this week.
Monday the 14th. Still sounds a lot like the middle east today, sadly.
Tuesday the 15th. I didn't know John was Jesus' cousin.
Wednesday the 16th. Woo! Orgies? Shittim? Crazy.
That's as far as I've gotten this week.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Day 69 and 70
So I have a few questions on some things today. I am confused.
1) Where did all those Burnt-Offering, Lamb-Offering, Whatever-Offerings go? Like, what was the process. Say, like, I slaughter a lamb. Ok, then what? Does the lamb just sit on the altar? Forever? And what if I'm sacrificing a lot of stuff? Where does that go? Or bread? If I give a bread offering, what does that mean? I just leave it on the altar and birds come eat it? Where does it go? I get the point of leaving some for God to give thanks, I'm just totally confused about the logistics.
2) Re: the crucifixion. So here's my question. Clearly it's a horrible, horrible treatment of a person and a terrible way for anyone to die, let alone the Son of God. Did all criminals at that time get this treatment or was Jesus' unusual somehow? I know they crucified people back then, were they all whipped and paraded out to be beaten ahead of time?
1) Where did all those Burnt-Offering, Lamb-Offering, Whatever-Offerings go? Like, what was the process. Say, like, I slaughter a lamb. Ok, then what? Does the lamb just sit on the altar? Forever? And what if I'm sacrificing a lot of stuff? Where does that go? Or bread? If I give a bread offering, what does that mean? I just leave it on the altar and birds come eat it? Where does it go? I get the point of leaving some for God to give thanks, I'm just totally confused about the logistics.
2) Re: the crucifixion. So here's my question. Clearly it's a horrible, horrible treatment of a person and a terrible way for anyone to die, let alone the Son of God. Did all criminals at that time get this treatment or was Jesus' unusual somehow? I know they crucified people back then, were they all whipped and paraded out to be beaten ahead of time?
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
All caught up
Just finished today's reading. Kind of excited to see what's going to happen with Moses and the land of the giants.
Day 65 and 66
OK, I admit I totally skimmed all the offerings lists.
The Psalm in day 66 seemed at odds with the Numbers scripture from the day before re: sacrifice of animals. Today's psalm was all like "Do you think I eat venison or drink goat blood? I own all the animals in the forest! Quit being dumbasses!" (I'm paraphrasing.) But in Numbers, God evidently ordered the slaughtering of a zoo to honor Him. Very weird.
The Psalm in day 66 seemed at odds with the Numbers scripture from the day before re: sacrifice of animals. Today's psalm was all like "Do you think I eat venison or drink goat blood? I own all the animals in the forest! Quit being dumbasses!" (I'm paraphrasing.) But in Numbers, God evidently ordered the slaughtering of a zoo to honor Him. Very weird.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Day 62 and 63 and 64
First - YAY! Numbers! We're out of Leviticus!
Second, I'm probably clueless but why would Jesus curse that poor fig tree if it wasn't fig season? That didn't make sense to me.
I liked the parable / story / whatever of the vineyard. It's interesting that his disciples didn't pick up on what he really meant.
Uh, hello? What about the husband who cheats?!?
Second, I'm probably clueless but why would Jesus curse that poor fig tree if it wasn't fig season? That didn't make sense to me.
I liked the parable / story / whatever of the vineyard. It's interesting that his disciples didn't pick up on what he really meant.
Uh, hello? What about the husband who cheats?!?
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Day 59
That Proverbs is funny...not really funny actually ;)
It's crazy to me how the disciples acted. I feel like since they were "in" with Jesus, they should have had more of spiritual maturity or wisdom but there they are fighting about who's the greatest and telling others NOT to cast demons out because they're not in "their" group.
It's crazy to me how the disciples acted. I feel like since they were "in" with Jesus, they should have had more of spiritual maturity or wisdom but there they are fighting about who's the greatest and telling others NOT to cast demons out because they're not in "their" group.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Day 58
All of this talk in the Old Testament about purification and clean/ unclean.... it's ironic to me that they had to "do" so much to make themselves presentable and now we don't. We just come as we are.
I'm really digging the Proverbs....maybe it's because they're so short.
I'm really digging the Proverbs....maybe it's because they're so short.
Caught up as well
Couple of things: I'll be happy when Leviticus is over. I'm sure all this scripture had a point back in the day; but today it just seems like crazy talk. And I still can't blame the Pharisees for their confusion over Jesus - you read Leviticus, and you can see they were following what Moses said to the letter. Jesus comes along and turns everything on its head - it's not surprising they doubted him.
Second, Psalms - whoever wrote it is a whiny puss. Good grief. You just want to shake that person and be like, "Get out of your head! Go walk in the sunshine! Stop obsessing and you might feel God's love!!"
That's my Bible thoughts through now.
Love you.
Second, Psalms - whoever wrote it is a whiny puss. Good grief. You just want to shake that person and be like, "Get out of your head! Go walk in the sunshine! Stop obsessing and you might feel God's love!!"
That's my Bible thoughts through now.
Love you.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
reflection
So, I'm caught up and still haven't blogged. I had a very reflective day today...kind of weird. I had an epiphany about a relationship...that sounds alot more dramatic than it was. It boils down to, I can't control others and others don't play by my rules and I have to be okay with that and cut the cord in some situations. Kind of freeing when I think about it that way.
We need to catch up....I'm not cutting the cord on you...as if!!
Love ya girl!
HL
We need to catch up....I'm not cutting the cord on you...as if!!
Love ya girl!
HL
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
54
I've been reading and I'm up to date...need to blog more.
Okay so I kind of skipped all the "cleansing" rituals.
I love that Jesus is a nightowl!! When the disciples didn't understand and it says there hearts were hardened. I wonder what that means. They saw and were actual witnesses to so many wonderful things. How could their hearts be hardened?
Jesus was so busy. I feel bad for Him...it's almost as if people were using Him for what He could do. I guess that's still the way it is. We pray that He would do what we want....I want to be selfless...I'm not.
Love makes up for all offenses...nice!!
Okay so I kind of skipped all the "cleansing" rituals.
I love that Jesus is a nightowl!! When the disciples didn't understand and it says there hearts were hardened. I wonder what that means. They saw and were actual witnesses to so many wonderful things. How could their hearts be hardened?
Jesus was so busy. I feel bad for Him...it's almost as if people were using Him for what He could do. I guess that's still the way it is. We pray that He would do what we want....I want to be selfless...I'm not.
Love makes up for all offenses...nice!!
Day 53 and 54
A whole verse on skin lesions. That was fun.
I liked the phrase "love pulls a quilt over bickering."
I liked the phrase "love pulls a quilt over bickering."
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Day 51
Poor Aaron and his sons. I'd be totally confused by all of this too.
The story with the pigs was a little weird too.
The story with the pigs was a little weird too.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Day 50
Yay! I'm finally all caught up to the day I'm supposed to be reading!! :) WOOOOOO!
So... is this where the concept of ordination comes from? Do they still do it this way, where you're secluded for 7 days? I'm sure they aren't splashing blood or waving fat anymore.
Oh, I really like this phrase "You're a joke with no punch line." I'm totally going to use that the next time someone makes me really mad. Who knew the Bible would inspire a witty retort?
So... is this where the concept of ordination comes from? Do they still do it this way, where you're secluded for 7 days? I'm sure they aren't splashing blood or waving fat anymore.
Oh, I really like this phrase "You're a joke with no punch line." I'm totally going to use that the next time someone makes me really mad. Who knew the Bible would inspire a witty retort?
Day 48 and 49
I'll be honest. I just skimmed all the "sacrifice an animal very specifically" stuff in Leviticus. I can't keep all these offerings straight. Does any modern-day religion still follow these? Just curious.
I still think Jesus is totally BA. :)
Although I do have to say I feel kind of sorry for the Pharisees. When Jesus came, he really WAS kind of doing the opposite of some of that stuff in the Old Testament. It's pretty obvious to me when we read the Jesus passages with the Old Testament passages in the same day. Like, earlier in one of the weeks, Moses was pretty strict about "don't do anything on the Sabbath or you'll be doomed forever and ever" (I'm paraphrasing). And Jesus comes and he's all like, "You morons! Help people! Eat if you're hungry! Duuuuh!" (Also paraphrasing here.) I really can't blame the Pharisees for being all offended and hard-hearted. It's pretty radical, even though Jesus clearly was holy. It's hard for people to change their beliefs on a dime in a big leap of faith.
Of course, none of that excuses them from trying to destroy Jesus.
Loved this part of Psalms: 5 God’s love is meteoric,
his loyalty astronomic,6 His purpose titanic,
his verdicts oceanic"
I still think Jesus is totally BA. :)
Although I do have to say I feel kind of sorry for the Pharisees. When Jesus came, he really WAS kind of doing the opposite of some of that stuff in the Old Testament. It's pretty obvious to me when we read the Jesus passages with the Old Testament passages in the same day. Like, earlier in one of the weeks, Moses was pretty strict about "don't do anything on the Sabbath or you'll be doomed forever and ever" (I'm paraphrasing). And Jesus comes and he's all like, "You morons! Help people! Eat if you're hungry! Duuuuh!" (Also paraphrasing here.) I really can't blame the Pharisees for being all offended and hard-hearted. It's pretty radical, even though Jesus clearly was holy. It's hard for people to change their beliefs on a dime in a big leap of faith.
Of course, none of that excuses them from trying to destroy Jesus.
Loved this part of Psalms: 5 God’s love is meteoric,
his loyalty astronomic,6 His purpose titanic,
his verdicts oceanic"
Friday, February 18, 2011
48 & 49
Okay...all the sacrifice talk...I kind of zone out. I know that's important and meant a lot back in the day but it's hard for me to connect with that.
Day 47
Leviticus 2. Mmm. Grain offering fried in oil. Mmmm.
Leviticus 3. I'm glad all the fat belongs to God. He can come have mine any way.
Leviticus 3. I'm glad all the fat belongs to God. He can come have mine any way.
Day 46
Hey, Mark! I'm in a new book! Woo!
I don't have a lot to say about this day other than it was nice to see some of the scripture we've covered in church in my readings.
I don't have a lot to say about this day other than it was nice to see some of the scripture we've covered in church in my readings.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
45 & 46
Okay so in Matthew 28:17 When they saw him, they worshiped him—but some of them doubted!
What in the world??!! They saw yet still doubted. I so don't want that to be me in life. I don't want to doubt. I want to believe and have faith. That's hard at time but God has showed up in my life time and time again.
I love all the rescue talk in the Psalms today.
I love in Mark that they said Jesus taught with great authority unlike the other religious scholars. Interesting.
Leviticus 2....why does it say "don't forget salt to forget the covenant of God??"
And the sacrifices and instructions gross me out a little bit. I'm glad we don't have to do that...ugh!
I love that Jesus got away by himself to pray. We all need that solitude.
I love the story of the friends lowering down their paralyzed friend through the hole they made in the roof...I love that demonstration of love, belief, and friendship.
The Psalmist is funny....a couple of days ago he was thanking and praising God for tearing down his enemies and now he's saying, "how long are you going to make me wait?" I flip flop like that too.
Psalms 9:17 “Stolen water is refreshing; food eaten in secret tastes the best!” I have to admit...I have eaten food in secret before...bad idea I guess:)
What in the world??!! They saw yet still doubted. I so don't want that to be me in life. I don't want to doubt. I want to believe and have faith. That's hard at time but God has showed up in my life time and time again.
I love all the rescue talk in the Psalms today.
I love in Mark that they said Jesus taught with great authority unlike the other religious scholars. Interesting.
Leviticus 2....why does it say "don't forget salt to forget the covenant of God??"
And the sacrifices and instructions gross me out a little bit. I'm glad we don't have to do that...ugh!
I love that Jesus got away by himself to pray. We all need that solitude.
I love the story of the friends lowering down their paralyzed friend through the hole they made in the roof...I love that demonstration of love, belief, and friendship.
The Psalmist is funny....a couple of days ago he was thanking and praising God for tearing down his enemies and now he's saying, "how long are you going to make me wait?" I flip flop like that too.
Psalms 9:17 “Stolen water is refreshing; food eaten in secret tastes the best!” I have to admit...I have eaten food in secret before...bad idea I guess:)
Day 43, 44
I love the talk about the Sabbath. I love that we are instructed to rest and enjoy and just be...I'm not so good at that.
I'm a little sick of all the construction/architecture talk too. I do love on day 44 that everyone who was moved by the Spirit helped and contributed their talents and gifts to help build and do. Together is better:) I love that what they gave was more than enough.
I get sad reading the crucifixion story.
I love the proverbs...the wise love correction...I need to work on that...I don't so much love correction.
I'm a little sick of all the construction/architecture talk too. I do love on day 44 that everyone who was moved by the Spirit helped and contributed their talents and gifts to help build and do. Together is better:) I love that what they gave was more than enough.
I get sad reading the crucifixion story.
I love the proverbs...the wise love correction...I need to work on that...I don't so much love correction.
Day 45
Nothing much to remark on here. I didn't know about the bribe to the soldiers before. That was new.
Day 44
Still loving the Proverbs:
7 If you reason with an arrogant cynic, you’ll get slapped in the face;
confront bad behavior and get a kick in the shins.8 So don’t waste your time on a scoffer;
all you’ll get for your pains is abuse.
But if you correct those who care about life,
that’s different—they’ll love you for it!
confront bad behavior and get a kick in the shins.8 So don’t waste your time on a scoffer;
all you’ll get for your pains is abuse.
But if you correct those who care about life,
that’s different—they’ll love you for it!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Day 43
I think my buddy Pontius Pilates completely copped out on his responsibility by washing his hands and delivering Jesus to the crowd to be judge and jury. It's a poor leader that feeds into the hands of a mindless mob. We, in leadership, are charged with upholding what is right even when it's unpopular. I thought that was crap.
Day 42
This one in particular resonated with me today, because this is day two where I've just been exhausted:
33 Mark a life of discipline and live wisely;
don’t squander your precious life.34 Blessed the man, blessed the woman, who listens to me,
awake and ready for me each morning,
alert and responsive as I start my day’s work.
If there's one thing I'm really not very good at - it's waking up alert, responsive, and ready to start God's work for the day. I'm really more of a giant slug. The last two days, I think I've hit the snooze button at least 6 times, and both times after turning it off tried to think of a good reason I'd need to work from home so I could go back to sleep for a little while.
Tomorrow I'll focus on being awake and ready for God, see if that helps.
33 Mark a life of discipline and live wisely;
don’t squander your precious life.34 Blessed the man, blessed the woman, who listens to me,
awake and ready for me each morning,
alert and responsive as I start my day’s work.
If there's one thing I'm really not very good at - it's waking up alert, responsive, and ready to start God's work for the day. I'm really more of a giant slug. The last two days, I think I've hit the snooze button at least 6 times, and both times after turning it off tried to think of a good reason I'd need to work from home so I could go back to sleep for a little while.
Tomorrow I'll focus on being awake and ready for God, see if that helps.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Day 41
I find the figure of Judas fascinating. I watched a program on one of the History channels or something like that how they had found a gospel of Judas. It gave a different perspective - one where Jesus had taken Judas aside and told him his was the hardest course of all - that Jesus needed Judas to betray him. I don't know what I believe but I do find his role in the Bible very fascinating.
What would it take to betray someone you gave everything up to follow? These scriptures make it sound so easy, but in my heart I wonder if that could be true.
What would it take to betray someone you gave everything up to follow? These scriptures make it sound so easy, but in my heart I wonder if that could be true.
Day 40
I have to say, in all honesty, if I were in the wilderness with Moses and he started saying all those things about how to slaughter the bulls and the rams with burning innards and fat and waving things around - I'd really start to question my decision and my faith. That whole first passage from Exodus seems a little wack-a-doodle. Like, more of a rant from a crazy man who has been in the woods too long and a little less ordained from God.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Day 37
God was so specific about how he wanted everything. The throwing blood on the people kind of wigs me out a little.
Watering
I have a story in my heart that I need to tell tonight before I sleep. (Which can't come soon enough, really - I'm worn out.)
Today, he talked about watering. The context, of course, was about watering one's spirituality, one's walk with Christ.
And I think one of the quotes was something along the lines of, "Watering is one of the most boring activities ever. If you're lucky, you might see a bug."
There are moments in life where a memory is so powerful, that it takes you over. That you cannot see in front of you, your own ghosts so crowded in your vision.
There are many dark times in my life. One of the ones that take the forefront of my memory is the time after I buried my first child. Now, it wasn't a proper burial, because there was nothing left to bury. Nothing they would let me take, let me hold, let me see.
I was at about 28 weeks when he died. I won't go into too much detail, that's a story for another day I suppose. Another forceful memory. Suffice it to say that I was Lost. And yes, that's capital L on purpose. I could not sleep. I would not eat. I could barely put one foot in front of the other. I stopped answering the phone. I watched a lot of TV. I didn't go to work... and I didn't care.
I walked the halls. The doorway. The walking dead.
As you know, when you are in a dark time, God doesn't move things on your schedule. He moves it on His. And one thing happened after another.
April - we lose our child
May - our lease expires
June - unable to make a decision, or move, or think, we move in with my parents
July - my father has a major stoke
And this is what I think of when I think of watering. I had nothing. Or at least, I felt like I had nothing. In reality, I had a good man who loved me, and parents that tolerated me, a cat. I had a cat. He was a good cat. And a window. That I looked out of, all day. The same that I had looked out as a teenager.
Nothingness. Stuck. Drugged. Xanax. Sleeping pills. Valium.
And there I was, one morning, staring awake out the window, waiting for the sun to rise and the day to start. My husband at the time, asleep beside me, spooning me, as I looked out the window and waited for my life to pass me by.
A knock on the door. My mother. She comes in. She says, I think your father has had a stroke. She says, The ambulance is on its way.
A moment like a mirror shattering. It all falls away.
I stand up. I walk. I will help, I say, let me help.
Please let me help. I want to help.
Something in me, hard like iron, bitter like biting on tinfoil. It rises to the surface, it straightens my spine. I can hold this family together, I always have, this is a part I know.
Now, my dad really had had a stroke. He was paralyzed on his left side. Months in rehab. Calls from the hospital psychiatrist. Hide his knives, take the key to the gun safe. We worry for him. We worry he can't make it back, we worry for his ego. At this time, though, I did not know how the story would end. All I knew was that it was my job to keep the house together. To clean, to cook, to pay the bills.
And to water the flowers.
Right before we'd moved in, my parents had paid a landscaper to do their whole yard over. Little purple flowers everywhere. Dianthus. Shrubs. Hostas. And a vegetable garden. Tomatos, everywhere. It was all they grew.
Once a day, in the evenings, I would go water the plants. It was a time of peace for me. I could watch the water fall. Bead off the leaves. Drip down, like a shower on the parched earth. The patter of the drops on the dirt. The hot August wind in Virginia on my face, my legs. So hot, so humid. The sound of lawnmovers, children playing blocks away. The tree frogs beginning to chirp. Watering. Watching. Nurturing.
Funny, though. Never wondering if the plants would grow. Never doubting. Never worrying. It was the one time of the way where I couldn't do anything wrong.
Even now, here, 12 years later, I still feel that same feeling of quiet when I water my yard. Listening. Letting life be.
Watering my plants.
Today, he talked about watering. The context, of course, was about watering one's spirituality, one's walk with Christ.
And I think one of the quotes was something along the lines of, "Watering is one of the most boring activities ever. If you're lucky, you might see a bug."
There are moments in life where a memory is so powerful, that it takes you over. That you cannot see in front of you, your own ghosts so crowded in your vision.
There are many dark times in my life. One of the ones that take the forefront of my memory is the time after I buried my first child. Now, it wasn't a proper burial, because there was nothing left to bury. Nothing they would let me take, let me hold, let me see.
I was at about 28 weeks when he died. I won't go into too much detail, that's a story for another day I suppose. Another forceful memory. Suffice it to say that I was Lost. And yes, that's capital L on purpose. I could not sleep. I would not eat. I could barely put one foot in front of the other. I stopped answering the phone. I watched a lot of TV. I didn't go to work... and I didn't care.
I walked the halls. The doorway. The walking dead.
As you know, when you are in a dark time, God doesn't move things on your schedule. He moves it on His. And one thing happened after another.
April - we lose our child
May - our lease expires
June - unable to make a decision, or move, or think, we move in with my parents
July - my father has a major stoke
And this is what I think of when I think of watering. I had nothing. Or at least, I felt like I had nothing. In reality, I had a good man who loved me, and parents that tolerated me, a cat. I had a cat. He was a good cat. And a window. That I looked out of, all day. The same that I had looked out as a teenager.
Nothingness. Stuck. Drugged. Xanax. Sleeping pills. Valium.
And there I was, one morning, staring awake out the window, waiting for the sun to rise and the day to start. My husband at the time, asleep beside me, spooning me, as I looked out the window and waited for my life to pass me by.
A knock on the door. My mother. She comes in. She says, I think your father has had a stroke. She says, The ambulance is on its way.
A moment like a mirror shattering. It all falls away.
I stand up. I walk. I will help, I say, let me help.
Please let me help. I want to help.
Something in me, hard like iron, bitter like biting on tinfoil. It rises to the surface, it straightens my spine. I can hold this family together, I always have, this is a part I know.
Now, my dad really had had a stroke. He was paralyzed on his left side. Months in rehab. Calls from the hospital psychiatrist. Hide his knives, take the key to the gun safe. We worry for him. We worry he can't make it back, we worry for his ego. At this time, though, I did not know how the story would end. All I knew was that it was my job to keep the house together. To clean, to cook, to pay the bills.
And to water the flowers.
Right before we'd moved in, my parents had paid a landscaper to do their whole yard over. Little purple flowers everywhere. Dianthus. Shrubs. Hostas. And a vegetable garden. Tomatos, everywhere. It was all they grew.
Once a day, in the evenings, I would go water the plants. It was a time of peace for me. I could watch the water fall. Bead off the leaves. Drip down, like a shower on the parched earth. The patter of the drops on the dirt. The hot August wind in Virginia on my face, my legs. So hot, so humid. The sound of lawnmovers, children playing blocks away. The tree frogs beginning to chirp. Watering. Watching. Nurturing.
Funny, though. Never wondering if the plants would grow. Never doubting. Never worrying. It was the one time of the way where I couldn't do anything wrong.
Even now, here, 12 years later, I still feel that same feeling of quiet when I water my yard. Listening. Letting life be.
Watering my plants.
Day 39
The clothing part bored me too - but at least God finally insisted on underwear. Whew. I was worried about that.
OK, that's enough Bible for this morning.
OK, that's enough Bible for this morning.
Day 38
All this architecture and building talk is kind of boring.
I liked some of the Psalms today: 4 Free me from hidden traps;
I want to hide in you.5 I’ve put my life in your hands.
You won’t drop me,
you’ll never let me down.6 I hate all this silly religion,
but you, God, I trust."
That pretty much sums up how I feel. I do hate all this silly religion but I do trust in God.
I liked some of the Psalms today: 4 Free me from hidden traps;
I want to hide in you.5 I’ve put my life in your hands.
You won’t drop me,
you’ll never let me down.6 I hate all this silly religion,
but you, God, I trust."
That pretty much sums up how I feel. I do hate all this silly religion but I do trust in God.
Day 37
What does God have against yeast? <--- random thought
End times readings today, first the Ark of the Covenant being described (I couldn't stop thinking of Indiana Jones). Then the Matthew reading about the return of the son.
Hmm.
End times readings today, first the Ark of the Covenant being described (I couldn't stop thinking of Indiana Jones). Then the Matthew reading about the return of the son.
Hmm.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Day 36
Ok...I'm going to try to read a couple of more days later!!
One part that struck me was the part talking about the end days and false prophets and how people who know better will be turned by lying preachers. I have family members that have done this and have bought into there are some who are "chose" and some who are not...the whole predestination deal. It makes me sad.
One part that struck me was the part talking about the end days and false prophets and how people who know better will be turned by lying preachers. I have family members that have done this and have bought into there are some who are "chose" and some who are not...the whole predestination deal. It makes me sad.
Day 36
OK, this amused me that this was actually spelled out in the Bible: "19 “Anyone who has sexual relations with an animal must certainly be put to death"
Um, yeah. Disgust. Maybe not death, though. But ick!
This one is along the same "ick" lines: 31 “You must be my holy people. Therefore, do not eat any animal that has been torn up and killed by wild animals. Throw it to the dogs."
I mean, if you're hungry enough to eat what's basically roadkill... (leaving thought unfinished)
This part made me think of the whole illegal immigrant debate going on all over our country right now: "9 “You must not oppress foreigners. You know what it’s like to be a foreigner, for you yourselves were once foreigners in the land of Egypt." Technically, all you white people were foreigners. My people have always been here. And we were nice.
Proverbs is kind of on a tear about immoral women at the moment... hope there's a passage about men who are pigs coming up...
Um, yeah. Disgust. Maybe not death, though. But ick!
This one is along the same "ick" lines: 31 “You must be my holy people. Therefore, do not eat any animal that has been torn up and killed by wild animals. Throw it to the dogs."
I mean, if you're hungry enough to eat what's basically roadkill... (leaving thought unfinished)
This part made me think of the whole illegal immigrant debate going on all over our country right now: "9 “You must not oppress foreigners. You know what it’s like to be a foreigner, for you yourselves were once foreigners in the land of Egypt." Technically, all you white people were foreigners. My people have always been here. And we were nice.
Proverbs is kind of on a tear about immoral women at the moment... hope there's a passage about men who are pigs coming up...
Day 34 and 35
Nothing grabbed in me in Day 34. All I could think of on Day 35 with this passage
"25 If you use stones to build my altar, use only natural, uncut stones. Do not shape the stones with a tool, for that would make the altar unfit for holy use. 26 And do not approach my altar by going up steps. If you do, someone might look up under your clothing and see your nakedness."
Was, "Don't they wear underwear back in biblical times?!?!"
Also, the whole concept of slavery being sanctioned and having set rules by God really strikes me as weird. And wrong.
I also liked this in Proverbs: "4 Love wisdom like a sister; make insight a beloved member of your family."
"25 If you use stones to build my altar, use only natural, uncut stones. Do not shape the stones with a tool, for that would make the altar unfit for holy use. 26 And do not approach my altar by going up steps. If you do, someone might look up under your clothing and see your nakedness."
Was, "Don't they wear underwear back in biblical times?!?!"
Also, the whole concept of slavery being sanctioned and having set rules by God really strikes me as weird. And wrong.
I also liked this in Proverbs: "4 Love wisdom like a sister; make insight a beloved member of your family."
Friday, February 11, 2011
almost caught up
I'm almost caught up...i'm not journaling...just reading. Man, this old testament stuff is different...the whole don't walk up steps to the altar so noone can look up your robe and see your nakedness. Who thought of that? It's interesting and I wonder sometimes how the interpretation of scripture happened. Interesting. I'm caught up to day 35. By mid next week, I'll be caught up:)
HL
HL
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Catch Up
Matthew 17
Okay so I never noticed the whole, "go down to the lake, catch a fish, the fish will have a coin in it's mouth." That's funny!! I sometimes wonder if I take God seriously enough. I know it's a different time but I love how people had so much faith in Jesus that they brought afflicted people to Him.
Exodus 4
I don't get why Moses' wife had to circumcise the baby at that time.
I love Psalms 23 in The Message:)
Proverbs 6:16-19
16 There are six things the Lord hates— no, seven things he detests;
17 haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that kill the innocent,18 a heart that plots evil, feet that race to do wrong,19 a false witness who pours out lies, a person who sows discord in a family.
That might end it for me today. I should be caught up by the end of this week. Very interesting stuff. I'm trying to read with news eyes.
Okay so I never noticed the whole, "go down to the lake, catch a fish, the fish will have a coin in it's mouth." That's funny!! I sometimes wonder if I take God seriously enough. I know it's a different time but I love how people had so much faith in Jesus that they brought afflicted people to Him.
Exodus 4
I don't get why Moses' wife had to circumcise the baby at that time.
I love Psalms 23 in The Message:)
Proverbs 6:16-19
16 There are six things the Lord hates— no, seven things he detests;
17 haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that kill the innocent,18 a heart that plots evil, feet that race to do wrong,19 a false witness who pours out lies, a person who sows discord in a family.
That might end it for me today. I should be caught up by the end of this week. Very interesting stuff. I'm trying to read with news eyes.
Day 31
Proverbs 6 was what stood out to me in this reading. "12 What are worthless and wicked people like? They are constant liars,
13 signaling their deceit with a wink of the eye, a nudge of the foot, or the wiggle of fingers.
14 Their perverted hearts plot evil, and they constantly stir up trouble.
15 But they will be destroyed suddenly, broken in an instant beyond all hope of healing."
I have a hard time with worthless and wicked people - I struggle with the concept of "fairness" as well. I am thinking of very specific instances where I have been wronged and others I love have been wronged by worthless and wicked people. The avenger in me wants to rise up and serve justice - but that is God's place, not mine, isn't it?
13 signaling their deceit with a wink of the eye, a nudge of the foot, or the wiggle of fingers.
14 Their perverted hearts plot evil, and they constantly stir up trouble.
15 But they will be destroyed suddenly, broken in an instant beyond all hope of healing."
I have a hard time with worthless and wicked people - I struggle with the concept of "fairness" as well. I am thinking of very specific instances where I have been wronged and others I love have been wronged by worthless and wicked people. The avenger in me wants to rise up and serve justice - but that is God's place, not mine, isn't it?
Day 30
Nothing really stood out to me today other than how sorry I feel for those poor Egyptians. I'm at the part where God is going to strike down the first born sons of all of the Egyptians because Pharoah is a stubborn ass. Of course, God is making him a stubborn ass to make a point, so it's not like it's Pharoah's fault.
Day 29
Proverbs 6 made me think of Dave Ramsey and the financial freedom thing: "1 Dear friend, if you’ve gone into hock with your neighbor
or locked yourself into a deal with a stranger,2 If you’ve impulsively promised the shirt off your back
and now find yourself shivering out in the cold,3 Friend, don’t waste a minute, get yourself out of that mess.
You’re in that man’s clutches!
Go, put on a long face; act desperate.4 Don’t procrastinate—
there’s no time to lose.5 Run like a deer from the hunter,
fly like a bird from the trapper!"
That's about all I have for this day's reading.
or locked yourself into a deal with a stranger,2 If you’ve impulsively promised the shirt off your back
and now find yourself shivering out in the cold,3 Friend, don’t waste a minute, get yourself out of that mess.
You’re in that man’s clutches!
Go, put on a long face; act desperate.4 Don’t procrastinate—
there’s no time to lose.5 Run like a deer from the hunter,
fly like a bird from the trapper!"
That's about all I have for this day's reading.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Day 28
Yeesh, Moses is sounding a little like Jeff Goldblum in this passage, "10 Then God said to Moses,11 “Go and speak to Pharaoh king of Egypt so that he will release the Israelites from his land.”12 Moses answered God, “Look—the Israelites won’t even listen to me. How do you expect Pharaoh to? And besides, I stutter.”"
Next he'll be saying, "Go faster, must go faster."
I also thought the whole passage about marriage was interesting: "1 When Jesus had completed these teachings, he left Galilee and crossed the region of Judea on the other side of the Jordan.2 Great crowds followed him there, and he healed them.3 One day the Pharisees were badgering him: “Is it legal for a man to divorce his wife for any reason?”4 He answered, “Haven’t you read in your Bible that the Creator originally made man and woman for each other, male and female?5 And because of this, a man leaves father and mother and is firmly bonded to his wife, becoming one flesh—no longer two bodies but one.6 Because God created this organic union of the two sexes, no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart.”7 They shot back in rebuttal, “If that’s so, why did Moses give instructions for divorce papers and divorce procedures?”8 Jesus said, “Moses provided for divorce as a concession to your hardheartedness, but it is not part of God’s original plan.9 I’m holding you to the original plan, and holding you liable for adultery if you divorce your faithful wife and then marry someone else. I make an exception in cases where the spouse has committed adultery.”10 Jesus’ disciples objected, “If those are the terms of marriage, we’re stuck. Why get married?”11 But Jesus said, “Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life. It requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn’t for everyone.12 Some, from birth seemingly, never give marriage a thought. Others never get asked—or accepted. And some decide not to get married for kingdom reasons. But if you’re capable of growing into the largeness of marriage, do it.”
I like the idea of "growing into the largeness of marriage."
Next he'll be saying, "Go faster, must go faster."
I also thought the whole passage about marriage was interesting: "1 When Jesus had completed these teachings, he left Galilee and crossed the region of Judea on the other side of the Jordan.2 Great crowds followed him there, and he healed them.3 One day the Pharisees were badgering him: “Is it legal for a man to divorce his wife for any reason?”4 He answered, “Haven’t you read in your Bible that the Creator originally made man and woman for each other, male and female?5 And because of this, a man leaves father and mother and is firmly bonded to his wife, becoming one flesh—no longer two bodies but one.6 Because God created this organic union of the two sexes, no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart.”7 They shot back in rebuttal, “If that’s so, why did Moses give instructions for divorce papers and divorce procedures?”8 Jesus said, “Moses provided for divorce as a concession to your hardheartedness, but it is not part of God’s original plan.9 I’m holding you to the original plan, and holding you liable for adultery if you divorce your faithful wife and then marry someone else. I make an exception in cases where the spouse has committed adultery.”10 Jesus’ disciples objected, “If those are the terms of marriage, we’re stuck. Why get married?”11 But Jesus said, “Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life. It requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn’t for everyone.12 Some, from birth seemingly, never give marriage a thought. Others never get asked—or accepted. And some decide not to get married for kingdom reasons. But if you’re capable of growing into the largeness of marriage, do it.”
I like the idea of "growing into the largeness of marriage."
Day 27
Matthew 18. "15 “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. 16 But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. 17 If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector."
I feel like I'm completely missing the context of this. Seems kind of harsh. Is this sin, like one of the 10 commandments sin? Is this where the concept of "intervention" comes from?
My only other thought on this day was more hilarious (to me) (because I'm immature). It was from the Proverbs reading: "18 Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. 19 She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love." Poor Steve. I doubt my little breasts always satisfy him. And I can't say I've ever been a graceful doe.
But I thought the passage was beautiful.
I feel like I'm completely missing the context of this. Seems kind of harsh. Is this sin, like one of the 10 commandments sin? Is this where the concept of "intervention" comes from?
My only other thought on this day was more hilarious (to me) (because I'm immature). It was from the Proverbs reading: "18 Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. 19 She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love." Poor Steve. I doubt my little breasts always satisfy him. And I can't say I've ever been a graceful doe.
But I thought the passage was beautiful.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
God working through me
I have to tell this story, I suppose this is my weekly rant. (Although I'm not going to talk about my vagina, I promise.)
My sister and I are going to Vegas in April on a sisters' only trip. She is very excited and wants to rent runway dresses for the two of us to wear. I've been hemming and hawing on it, because I have body image issues. I feel like I'm a big fat, fat ass. And I mean that literally. I have great arms and legs, like my face - it's that whole middle part that feels fat and ugly to me.
Normally, I run - but post-surgery and with Dallas covered in ice and snow for a week, I haven't been running as much as I want to. I did join Weight Watchers, I'm just still hit-or-miss on doing it in any given day.
Since we've been doing this Bible program together, I've been in the habit of "owning" any emotions I happen to have when I'm having them. So I owned it to my sister. I told her how young, hot, and thin she was and how I was scared of being her "fat old sidekick." In the process of telling her how I feel, I realized my own insecurities don't even matter. If she feels beautiful and is having fun, I'm so proud to be with her. I love her, and that's all that really matters.
I really felt like God was changing me through the experience. So I had to share.
My sister and I are going to Vegas in April on a sisters' only trip. She is very excited and wants to rent runway dresses for the two of us to wear. I've been hemming and hawing on it, because I have body image issues. I feel like I'm a big fat, fat ass. And I mean that literally. I have great arms and legs, like my face - it's that whole middle part that feels fat and ugly to me.
Normally, I run - but post-surgery and with Dallas covered in ice and snow for a week, I haven't been running as much as I want to. I did join Weight Watchers, I'm just still hit-or-miss on doing it in any given day.
Since we've been doing this Bible program together, I've been in the habit of "owning" any emotions I happen to have when I'm having them. So I owned it to my sister. I told her how young, hot, and thin she was and how I was scared of being her "fat old sidekick." In the process of telling her how I feel, I realized my own insecurities don't even matter. If she feels beautiful and is having fun, I'm so proud to be with her. I love her, and that's all that really matters.
I really felt like God was changing me through the experience. So I had to share.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Day 26
...of the ONE YEAR BIBLE plan! (Just wanted to be clear on that.)
I just finished the Moses and the burning bush story, and Jesus telling his disciples that he will be betrayed in three days.
I just finished the Moses and the burning bush story, and Jesus telling his disciples that he will be betrayed in three days.
Catch Up
So AW and I have both been reading the Bible but totally different plans. I made a valiant attempt to completely catch up. I've got a little bit to go but by next week should be good in the hood.
I read a lot of Matthew and a lot of Proverbs. I agree with AW, I love the Proverbs...such pearls of wisdom & insight!
I read a lot of Matthew and a lot of Proverbs. I agree with AW, I love the Proverbs...such pearls of wisdom & insight!
Friday, February 4, 2011
Day 21
I love the last line in chapter 2 of Exodus. God saw what was going on with Israel. God understood.
I love that God sees and understands;)
I love the Psalms. I love reading David's writing. He was a man after God's own heart but struggled in so many ways. I feel like I can relate to him:)
That's all I got. I'm trying to catch up.
HL
I love that God sees and understands;)
I love the Psalms. I love reading David's writing. He was a man after God's own heart but struggled in so many ways. I feel like I can relate to him:)
That's all I got. I'm trying to catch up.
HL
Day 24
The only thing that stood out to me was Proverbs 4. 24 Don’t talk out of both sides of your mouth;
avoid careless banter, white lies, and gossip.25 Keep your eyes straight ahead;
ignore all sideshow distractions.
I like the "sideshow distractions" phrase.
avoid careless banter, white lies, and gossip.25 Keep your eyes straight ahead;
ignore all sideshow distractions.
I like the "sideshow distractions" phrase.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Day 23
What's with the "put your hand on my thigh" thing when making a vow? I've read that a few times now, and it sounds like they're cupping each others' balls or something when they make a pact between men. I'm sure that's not right, but this is like, the third time I've read something about "swearing by putting the hand on the thigh or under the thigh."
I do like clueless Peter. Matthew 15. "15 Peter said, “I don’t get it. Put it in plain language.”16 Jesus replied, “You too? Are you being willfully stupid?17 Don’t you know that anything that is swallowed works its way through the intestines and is finally defecated?18 But what comes out of the mouth gets its start in the heart.19 It’s from the heart that we vomit up evil arguments, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, lies, and cussing.20 That’s what pollutes. Eating or not eating certain foods, washing or not washing your hands—that’s neither here nor there.""
I do like clueless Peter. Matthew 15. "15 Peter said, “I don’t get it. Put it in plain language.”16 Jesus replied, “You too? Are you being willfully stupid?17 Don’t you know that anything that is swallowed works its way through the intestines and is finally defecated?18 But what comes out of the mouth gets its start in the heart.19 It’s from the heart that we vomit up evil arguments, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, lies, and cussing.20 That’s what pollutes. Eating or not eating certain foods, washing or not washing your hands—that’s neither here nor there.""
Day 22
Something is wacky. Day 21 was the head on a platter one. I said it was Day 20. I'm probably the wacky part here.
Anyway, I'm on Day 22 now.
I like the whole story of Joesph and his brothers. I also like the story of Peter who joined Jesus walking on the water and then freaked out that he was walking on the water. :)
Anyway, I'm on Day 22 now.
I like the whole story of Joesph and his brothers. I also like the story of Peter who joined Jesus walking on the water and then freaked out that he was walking on the water. :)
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Day 20
Matthew 14. Ew. Who wants someone's head on a platter? I mean, I've hated people in my life, really hated them - but I've never wanted their head on a platter. Disgust.
I also love that in the Message version, Wisdom is female. "Throw your arms around her!"
I also love that in the Message version, Wisdom is female. "Throw your arms around her!"
January 19 regular plan
Nothing much stood out for me today. (Other than reading "booby prize" because I'm mentally a 12-year-old boy and giggled at the word "booby.")
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
January 18 regular plan
I think I'm catching up to you, now. I read the story of Joesph and how his brothers sold him into slavery.
Wow, Jesus was kind of a BA! Check out this from Matthew: "30 “This is war, and there is no neutral ground. If you’re not on my side, you’re the enemy; if you’re not helping, you’re making things worse." Go, Jesus! You tell 'em!!
Or this one: "36 Let me tell you something: Every one of these careless words is going to come back to haunt you. There will be a time of Reckoning. Words are powerful; take them seriously.37 Words can be your salvation. Words can also be your damnation.”
That is SO Chuck Norris. I'm so impressed.
Wow, Jesus was kind of a BA! Check out this from Matthew: "30 “This is war, and there is no neutral ground. If you’re not on my side, you’re the enemy; if you’re not helping, you’re making things worse." Go, Jesus! You tell 'em!!
Or this one: "36 Let me tell you something: Every one of these careless words is going to come back to haunt you. There will be a time of Reckoning. Words are powerful; take them seriously.37 Words can be your salvation. Words can also be your damnation.”
That is SO Chuck Norris. I'm so impressed.
Monday, January 31, 2011
January 16 meeting
Random: I'm really tired of reading about livestock.
OK, Genesis 34. He raped her and THEN fell in love with her? What is wrong with these people?!? And her parents' biggest objection is that the rapist was uncircumcised and it would be disgrace to God to intermarry?? Really? Ugh. SO then the rapists circumcise themselves and all are slaughtered by her brothers while they're still sore. Nice.
This is a very difficult chapter for me. I changed my mind. Let's go back to the livestock. :)
Matthew 11:39. I thought this line was beautiful: "Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace." Very poetic.
OK, Genesis 34. He raped her and THEN fell in love with her? What is wrong with these people?!? And her parents' biggest objection is that the rapist was uncircumcised and it would be disgrace to God to intermarry?? Really? Ugh. SO then the rapists circumcise themselves and all are slaughtered by her brothers while they're still sore. Nice.
This is a very difficult chapter for me. I changed my mind. Let's go back to the livestock. :)
Matthew 11:39. I thought this line was beautiful: "Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace." Very poetic.
January 15 reading
OK, so why did people sacrifice to God (animals) in the Old Testament but there isn't mention of that in the New Testament (I think, I'm only on Day 15 here)?? What's the sacrifice thing all about?
I liked Matthew 10:39. "39 If your first concern is to look after yourself, you’ll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you’ll find both yourself and me." That was deep. I also thought the part about being a razor to cut you from family; that family can be your own worst enemies was pretty interesting.
I liked Matthew 10:39. "39 If your first concern is to look after yourself, you’ll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you’ll find both yourself and me." That was deep. I also thought the part about being a razor to cut you from family; that family can be your own worst enemies was pretty interesting.
Day 19
Okay so I see now why the Israelites were slaves to the Egyptians...it was Joseph's fault....there's that blame again. It's ironic to me that God's people are slaves to Egyptians and Joseph started it.
I love reading the Psalms in the Message version. I love the verbage!!
Sometimes I don't understand the parables that Jesus told. They don't always make sense. I guess that's how the disciples felt to a certain extent.
That's all I've got.
I love reading the Psalms in the Message version. I love the verbage!!
Sometimes I don't understand the parables that Jesus told. They don't always make sense. I guess that's how the disciples felt to a certain extent.
That's all I've got.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Reflection for the week
If I'm being totally honest with myself, then I have to admit that I've been struggling with a few things this week. Reading some of the Genesis chapters have really bothered me. The whole "my wife is my sister" thing and then just today... the whole story of "Hey, you're going to marry the sister and not your betrothed" followed by "Leah and Rebecca fight over who's going to be a baby mama so they offer up their maids" thing is just ALL JACKED UP.
I have not enjoyed the way that women have been treated in the readings. I find it offensive. I liken it to the way that women are currently treated in the Middle East, I don't think attitudes there have changed overmuch in the last 2,000 years.
I refuse to be treated as less because I have a vagina. I refuse to believe that God is a God that believes that I deserve to be treated as property or be submissive to another because of the way He made me. I utterly refute it. I believe that I, as Woman, was created to be the complement to and helpmate of Man. The scripture was very clear on that. I am not less than my husband, or my father, and I am worthy of the same respect. Period.
I also have to be candid that in my many years volunteering to help raped and abused women have also heavily reinforced these beliefs. I have seen too many women and children, just running to survive, and struggling with the belief that a) they deserve it and b) they should honor their husband above their personal safety. Why do women go back to their abusers? I can't tell you how many of them told me they felt it was their duty as a Christian to return.
I suppose it was because of this heightened sensibility that what happened today at church just struck me badly. Today, our pastor announced three candidates to become senior leaders of our church. Now, I have nothing against these men. These men have worked their rear ends off to serve the church. I have nothing but love and respect for them. I do believe that they embody everything the church stands for. I have no problems with their appointments.
What I do have a giant problem with, and I own this as something that is likely my OWN issue, is that I stood looking at a leadership team of all men.
I love my church for many reasons, one of which is that it is nontraditional. Another is that is unconditionally loving of all people. So my utter disappointment that I was looking at very traditional all-male Christian lineup. It was a complete and total turn-off. I felt angry - and for lack of a finer term on it, betrayed.
I pray for guidance and reconciliation on this.
I have not enjoyed the way that women have been treated in the readings. I find it offensive. I liken it to the way that women are currently treated in the Middle East, I don't think attitudes there have changed overmuch in the last 2,000 years.
I refuse to be treated as less because I have a vagina. I refuse to believe that God is a God that believes that I deserve to be treated as property or be submissive to another because of the way He made me. I utterly refute it. I believe that I, as Woman, was created to be the complement to and helpmate of Man. The scripture was very clear on that. I am not less than my husband, or my father, and I am worthy of the same respect. Period.
I also have to be candid that in my many years volunteering to help raped and abused women have also heavily reinforced these beliefs. I have seen too many women and children, just running to survive, and struggling with the belief that a) they deserve it and b) they should honor their husband above their personal safety. Why do women go back to their abusers? I can't tell you how many of them told me they felt it was their duty as a Christian to return.
I suppose it was because of this heightened sensibility that what happened today at church just struck me badly. Today, our pastor announced three candidates to become senior leaders of our church. Now, I have nothing against these men. These men have worked their rear ends off to serve the church. I have nothing but love and respect for them. I do believe that they embody everything the church stands for. I have no problems with their appointments.
What I do have a giant problem with, and I own this as something that is likely my OWN issue, is that I stood looking at a leadership team of all men.
I love my church for many reasons, one of which is that it is nontraditional. Another is that is unconditionally loving of all people. So my utter disappointment that I was looking at very traditional all-male Christian lineup. It was a complete and total turn-off. I felt angry - and for lack of a finer term on it, betrayed.
I pray for guidance and reconciliation on this.
Day 18 Reading
So I read more about Joseph today. I love that when Joseph finally tells his brothers who he is. He tells them that it wasn't they who sent him away it was God. He said that God sent him to take care of them because of the famine. Joseph has hindsight and faith that God had a plan. Joseph was willing to "take one for the team." Sometimes, I think I have the misconception that things should be easy, come easy, etc. because we've given our hearts and lives to God. That's not it at all, sometimes our discomfort or trials work for the good of others in the long run. It's a small sacrifice. I think of some of my friends and others at Catalyst that are living totally different lives now because of God working through Catalyst and through Levi. I love that! I want to be okay with sacrifice and suffering (not too much-ha).
I also love in the New Testament reading, the blind man. He knew Jesus was close and he yelled for him. He wasn't ashamed or embarrassed. He yelled for his life. And the story of the widow, she kept bugging the corrupt judge. If a corrupted judge can be moved by a widow's pestering, how much better is our God who loves us.
Good stuff today!
I also love in the New Testament reading, the blind man. He knew Jesus was close and he yelled for him. He wasn't ashamed or embarrassed. He yelled for his life. And the story of the widow, she kept bugging the corrupt judge. If a corrupted judge can be moved by a widow's pestering, how much better is our God who loves us.
Good stuff today!
Saturday, January 29, 2011
January 13 reading
It's gotta suck to be engaged for 7 years and then wind up marrying the sister of your betrothed. Crazy people. Good grief.
I did like my Proverbs this day. 3. "11 But don’t, dear friend, resent God’s discipline;
don’t sulk under his loving correction.12 It’s the child he loves that God corrects;
a father’s delight is behind all this."
I did like my Proverbs this day. 3. "11 But don’t, dear friend, resent God’s discipline;
don’t sulk under his loving correction.12 It’s the child he loves that God corrects;
a father’s delight is behind all this."
January 12 reading
Re: Jacob and Esau. I must be missing some historical context. All I could think was: how hard is it to bless both children? Why just pick one? Plus, didn't Esau give up his rights as first born anyway?
Proverbs 3: 9-10. Hey, so here's another question? Why give God physical things? Like the best of your livestock to honor Him? Isn't that the opposite of what's going on in the Psalms to not focus on material things? Is this related to the modern concept of tithing? Where you sacrifice something tangible for God?
-AW
Proverbs 3: 9-10. Hey, so here's another question? Why give God physical things? Like the best of your livestock to honor Him? Isn't that the opposite of what's going on in the Psalms to not focus on material things? Is this related to the modern concept of tithing? Where you sacrifice something tangible for God?
-AW
January 11 reading
OK, so seriously. What is the deal with: "She's not my wife, she's my sister?" First Abraham, now Isaac. Good grief.
Since we're on the topic of fairness, it seems to me the Psalms are all about fairness. That while people may be nasty or rich or deviant here on earth, they will not have a place in God's kingdom. So ignore them, stay on the path, embrace God. I think that's a pretty huge spiritual investment. You have to hold so hard to your faith that those insults and slights are only inconveniences, like a bug landing on your skin. (As opposed to the deep splinters that worry you constantly. That's what it is for me, anyway.)
Other people seemingly getting away with being crappy to others and being monetarily successful just seems to wrong. But today's Psalms were really reinforcing that none of this matters. I'll pray for guidance on this.
_AW
Since we're on the topic of fairness, it seems to me the Psalms are all about fairness. That while people may be nasty or rich or deviant here on earth, they will not have a place in God's kingdom. So ignore them, stay on the path, embrace God. I think that's a pretty huge spiritual investment. You have to hold so hard to your faith that those insults and slights are only inconveniences, like a bug landing on your skin. (As opposed to the deep splinters that worry you constantly. That's what it is for me, anyway.)
Other people seemingly getting away with being crappy to others and being monetarily successful just seems to wrong. But today's Psalms were really reinforcing that none of this matters. I'll pray for guidance on this.
_AW
Friday, January 28, 2011
Day 17
Gen 42 & 43/ Luke 17/ Psalm 5
So, I read about Joseph. And I'm not in denial...I should be on a show called The Fair Factor. Lately in my reading, (and in AW's also...I guess since she called me out...or maybe it's my guilt:) I've read about God working on this very issue. I read about Joseph and how his life sucked. He got thrown into a hole. One of his brothers stuck up for him so that they didn't kill him but then they sold him into slavery. He was a servant and rocked that job and got promoted then lied about by a crazy woman. Went to jail, again rose about circumstances and the unfairness (HUGE) to gain a position as Pharaoh's right hand man. He ends up forgiving his brothers, not even rubbing it in their faces but offering them a huge meal, after he throws them in jail and makes them go get their other brother. They did have a little crap to go through. I haven't gotten to the FORGIVE reveal yet but still.....
Then in Luke it talked about forgiving and forgiving and yep still forgiving.
I don't get it. I don't get how someone can live a life totally different than the one he should have lived. He was the favored son but becomes the captured slaved. His heart is tender to God and his brothers. He is not resentful or pouty or reminding them of their wrongs and the life he has suffered because of their actions. Man, I feel like a jerk. I have a hard time forgiving and letting go and forgetting stupid stuff. I really feel like God is working on me with this. I want to be submissive to that. I saw a tweet from a friend that was the verse Exodus 14:14, The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be silent. That was a great reminder for me in life. I don't have to win. I don't have to be right. I don't have to be fair. Not even in battles, but in everyday life.
And then I read Psalm 5. And these verses stick out.
11 But you’ll welcome us with open arms
So, I read about Joseph. And I'm not in denial...I should be on a show called The Fair Factor. Lately in my reading, (and in AW's also...I guess since she called me out...or maybe it's my guilt:) I've read about God working on this very issue. I read about Joseph and how his life sucked. He got thrown into a hole. One of his brothers stuck up for him so that they didn't kill him but then they sold him into slavery. He was a servant and rocked that job and got promoted then lied about by a crazy woman. Went to jail, again rose about circumstances and the unfairness (HUGE) to gain a position as Pharaoh's right hand man. He ends up forgiving his brothers, not even rubbing it in their faces but offering them a huge meal, after he throws them in jail and makes them go get their other brother. They did have a little crap to go through. I haven't gotten to the FORGIVE reveal yet but still.....
Then in Luke it talked about forgiving and forgiving and yep still forgiving.
I don't get it. I don't get how someone can live a life totally different than the one he should have lived. He was the favored son but becomes the captured slaved. His heart is tender to God and his brothers. He is not resentful or pouty or reminding them of their wrongs and the life he has suffered because of their actions. Man, I feel like a jerk. I have a hard time forgiving and letting go and forgetting stupid stuff. I really feel like God is working on me with this. I want to be submissive to that. I saw a tweet from a friend that was the verse Exodus 14:14, The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be silent. That was a great reminder for me in life. I don't have to win. I don't have to be right. I don't have to be fair. Not even in battles, but in everyday life.
And then I read Psalm 5. And these verses stick out.
11 But you’ll welcome us with open arms
when we run for cover to you.
Let the party last all night!
Stand guard over our celebration.
Let the party last all night!
Stand guard over our celebration.
12 You are famous, God, for welcoming God-seekers,
for decking us out in delight.
for decking us out in delight.
I want to be a God seeker. I want to be running to His cover, not worried about the circumstances of life around me. I don't want to compare or measure up to my friends...I want to just fall into God's arms where His love is relentless and extravagant and unconditional. I blogged on my personal blog a few days ago about some of this same stuff and one of my friends challenged me. Her take on my blog was that I was worried that others won't love me for who I am and then asked if I felt that way about God's love. It kind of took me back. I've never really thought of that. I don't think that I'm insecure or worried that He will not love me. But at times I do feel like I have to do do do because I think I'm supposed to and that's how I make myself okay. Maybe I don't read the Bible or pray as much as I should but dag-gone-it I try to be the "end all" for everyone and will change my schedule to accommodate others to make sure everybody's happy and I'll agree with just about whatever others say so everyone stays happy and that makes me good with God. That's kind of sick and twisted because its goes against the very nature of who God is. He calls us to a life that is different and not the norm.
I don't know...just some thoughts this morning. Not sure if they even make sense.
HL
HL
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