YAY!

All caught up!

The only thought I had was - again - Jesus is a total badass. Not only did he rise from the grave, but he was all like: oh, yeah, I'm back and you can even put your hands in my wounds.

Dang, Gina.

I don't even know what I'm up to...

Last Sunday maybe? I'm reading Luke 22: 35-53 and there are some beautiful things that are striking me.

I love in the Message version that the folks that Jesus brought to the mountain on the night of the betrayal were "drugged by grief." What a powerful phrase. Maybe it resonates so strongly with me because I personally felt drugged by grief on Tuesday; all I could do was sleep in my sorrow. It makes the disciples seem less like non-committed idiots at that moment, and more full in their love and their sorrow. I really like that.

The second part of that that really strikes me is that Jesus healed the soldier after one of his disciples cut off his ear. Wow. How have I never really heard that part of the story before? How moving is that love? To heal the one that will lead you to your death? I can't fathom it; I am trapped in my own humanity. Wow. Just wow.

Sunday reflections

First, administrative stuff: I'm read-up through day 111. I'm only about 2 days behind now.



Now for what's on my mind tonight.

I went to service today and felt something so strongly that I don't think I can ignore it any more, so I'm going to write about it. And then I suppose I'll pray about it.

I don't like close and crowded groups of people. I never have. It makes me feel angry, and it makes it hard to breathe. So I'll be candid and own my "Ochlophobia" (I looked it up, that's what it's called). I take medication for my "social anxiety" and it is what it is. I live with it. 


Maybe it's the fear of groups that has heightened this feeling that I've had, but I've felt it for the last few months.


I don't feel like I should be at church anymore. 
It feels like a chore.
I'm not feeling connected to God.
I'm not feeling connected to anyone or anything while I'm there.
I don't feel like I'm learning. 
It just feels routine, like balancing my checkbook.


And... that feels wrong. Even my daughter, who inspired our attendance in the first place, keeps fighting me on going. "Mommy, it's the same thing over and over," she tells me, "I can't love God any more than I do now."


There are several times now where I've attended and waited to connect. To feel something. And I just don't feel it.


I don't know what to say. Or to do. It just doesn't feel right to me.

Day 104

3 "Be alert. If you see your friend going wrong, correct him. If he responds, forgive him.4 Even if it's personal against you and repeated seven times through the day, and seven times he says, 'I'm sorry, I won't do it again,' forgive him."

Day 103

Not sure I understand the parable of the crooked manager. At all. Like this guy steals, uses it on himself, and then cons people into giving him company money - and the boss is pleased? <--- not getting it

Day 96 - 98

I still say Jesus was way BA. He went to dinner and then ripped those Pharisees a new one. That's so BA.

Today

I like Joshua.

I wonder how people took Jesus, like bystanders.  He was so radical the things He was saying.  The way He behaved...I love that.  He befriended the friendless or embarrassing or downcast....I love that.

interesting

I really like Joshua so far...easy to read.

Interesting that Jerusalem was a place where prophets were abused.....very interesting.

I'm tired.

Days 97 & 98

I really enjoyed all of the reading for both of these days.  I'm trying to really focus while I'm reading.  I should do it in the morning when I'm a little more with it.  I've zoned out on some of the OT reading.   But I enjoyed these two.

I did really good with my Lent praying the first couple of weeks of Lent. I set aside 30 minutes and prayed.  Then, I thought, "I don't want to be too rigid or make it like a task to complete." and in so doing, I've not put myself into it like I should.  I need to find a balance with that. I felt a lot more connected when I was praying specifically for each person on my list.

95

WTF with "eating your own babies??"

How do you reconcile the angry, cruel God from the Old Testament with what Jesus preached in the New?

And Jesus really IS a BA: ""This is war, and there is no neutral ground. If you're not on my side, you're the enemy; if you're not helping, you're making things worse."

94

This passage struck me: 15 Fools are headstrong and do what they like; wise people take advice.

16 Fools have short fuses and explode all too quickly; the prudent quietly shrug off insults.
17 Truthful witness by a good person clears the air, but liars lay down a smoke screen of deceit.

94

Okay, WAY too often I'm Martha
41 The Master said, "Martha, dear Martha, you're fussing far too much and getting yourself worked up over nothing.

93

We're 25% finished....yeah for us!!

  I've never read this much straight through:)


I read but I'm going to be honest the Old Testament is hard for me.  It seems like a lot of rules and not sure the meaning behind them.  Loving the Psalms & Proverbs still :)

Day 92

Yeah I did not like that either.  What about the evidence of virginity? What if she didn't bleed but was a virgin? Too bad, I guess she got stoned....harsh, harsh, harsh!!

It makes me feel sorry for the women still in the Middle East living under persecution. I truly couldn't imagine that.

Caught up too

Random: Every time it said "God, your God," all I could think of was "Xuan, my friend Xuan."



Hate the whole passage about rape and forcing the victim to marry the rapist.

Caught Up

I love the end of the Psalms for today 25 You're all I want in heaven! You're all I want on earth!26 When my skin sags and my bones get brittle, God is rock-firm and faithful.27 Look! Those who left you are falling apart! Deserters, they'll never be heard from again.28 But I'm in the very presence of God-oh, how refreshing it is! I've made Lord God my home. God, I'm telling the world what you do!